Hunting Elephants

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

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Actual High School Quotes

"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30 pm."

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Neapolitan Driving Rules

When turning left ensure that you are in the right-hand lane, thus crossing as many lanes of traffic as possible and causing havoc astern.

Indicating is sissy.

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Actual Accident Reports

Many have experienced the confusion of traffic accidents and have had to summarize correctly what happened in a few words or less on insurance or accident forms. The following quotes were taken from those forms and were eventually published in the Toronto Sun on July 27, 1977.

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What Women Don't Understand About Guys

Contrary to what many women believe, it's easy to develop a long-term, intimate and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course, this guy has to be a Labrador Retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.

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A Mother's Letter To Her Son

My Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I am well.  I am writing slow as I know you can't read fast.  You won't know the house when you come home.  We have moved.

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Attitude

"I did not provoke the fight so I feel no remorse for what I was forced to do.  We were arguing and seeing that I was right and he was wrong, he decided to fight to cover his stupidity.

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