A Mother's Letter To Her Son

My Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I am well.  I am writing slow as I know you can't read fast.  You won't know the house when you come home.  We have moved.

Your father has a new job.  He has 500 people under him.  He cuts the grass in the graveyard.  Our neighbors started to raise pigs and we got wind of it this morning.

There is a washing machine in the new house, but it doesn't work very well.  I put four shirts in it last week and pulled the chain.  I haven't seen the shirts since.

All the boys in school have new suits, but we can't afford one for your brother, so we are going to buy him a new hat and let him look out of the window.

Your sister-in-law had a new baby this morning.  I haven't heard if it is a boy or girl so I don't know if you are an Uncle or an Aunt.

Your Uncle Dick drowned in a vat of whiskey at the distillery last week.  We cremated his body—it took three days to put the fire out.  Your father didn't drink too much at Christmas; I put a bottle of castor oil in his beer and it kept him going 'til New Years.

I went to the doctor and he put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to open my mouth for ten minutes.  Your father wanted to buy it right away.  It only rained twice last week.  Once for four days, and then again for three days.

Monday was so windy, one chicken laid the same egg four times.  We had a letter from the undertaker.  He said if we don't pay the funeral bill for your grandmother within seven days, up she comes.

I must close now as the plumber is here to fix the washing machine as it smells awful.

Your Loving Mother


P.S. I was going to send you $10.00 but I had already sealed the envelope.

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