Neapolitan Driving Rules

When turning left ensure that you are in the right-hand lane, thus crossing as many lanes of traffic as possible and causing havoc astern.

Indicating is sissy.

Lane marker lines are for straddling.

Pretty red, amber, and green lights at some crossroads are to be admired.

If in front, stay in front at all costs.

500cc+ cars must occupy the fast lane.

Headlights, etc. may be used at night if considered absolutely necessary. If used, must be continually at full beam.

On narrow roads oncoming cars will take avoiding action, eventually.

Reversing to enter a main road from a driveway or side street is recommended.

When parking in a crowded street, double or triple parking is mandatory.

Traffic must form into at least one more lane than there is room for.

When drawing away from the parked position, just go, man, go.

If at rest in a traffic queue for more than two seconds, test the horn frequently.

Lorries are to be overloaded to the nth degree, and loads insecure.

If you miss your motorway turnoff don't panic, other road users will appreciate it when you reverse back to it or U-turn and drive against the traffic.

When leaving your car, fling the door open into the traffic stream. With good luck you will hit at least one scooter rider, bad luck and you'll lose the door.

When talking with your passenger, look ant him/her, not the road. Ensure that the discussion is violent and arm-waving, thus causing the driver behind you to think you are maneuvering.

Do not decide which motorway toll booth queue to join until the very last possible moment.

Pedestrians crossing the road assume priority, unless obviously non-Italian.

Road signs do not necessarily indicate the road to follow.

Wheel changing, major, and minor repairs must be carried out in the middle of a busy road.

Pavements are for overtaking lanes or parking on.

Motorcyclists are invisible.

All rubbish is to be thrown out of car windows.

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